БРАТИСЛАВА: Могилы по подписке, дорогая недвижимость и выключенные светофоры

БРАТИСЛАВА: Могилы по подписке, дорогая недвижимость и выключенные светофоры

Are you stuck, do you need help? Hi everyone! Today we are walking around Bratislava. Meet Sasha. She has been living and studying in Slovakia for 3 years. True, not in Bratislava, but what’s stopping us from taking a walk around the capital of Slovakia. Today we are going to an old cemetery with graves by subscription. We will look at the presidential palace, Boris Nemtsov street, the old town and, of course, the castle. So, shall we go for a walk around Bratislava? First of all, we will go to the cemetery. Anyway, I am going to drag you along Kozia street to the Russian consulate. Well, these are sleeping places, really sleeping places. Legalize in the country? No. No? Something smells like grass. Turn the key. And Bratislava. And Bratislava. What an old city without street musicians. And the smell of piss. And the smell of piss. Why Kozia gate? Because Kozia street. Are you ashamed to come with us, Sasha? A very popular writer, who, like Daria Dontsova, is only a man. Munchausen on a cannonball, yes. Do you know how much money this crap costs? One apartment in this area. Rent a grave. Well, how much does it cost? Oh, you can get a crypto for the whole family. I translated some article where Angelina Jolie was. According to the laws of the Slovak language, I had to translate it as Angelina Jolieva. Pies are very popular here. Bratislava expert Sasha. Bratislava. Hi, Sasha. Come on, show us Bratislava. Well, first we’ll go to the cemetery. Will we have time? We’ll have time. It’s on the way. And the second? And the second we’ll go eat. Now we need to figure out, here it is, the cemetery, but how do we get to it? Let’s go cross there. What is this you have here? What? This? What is it called? It’s just… These skyscrapers are funny. They look like Alien eggs. Commercial break! The Aliens’ balls are too long. Okay, what kind of cemetery is this, go ahead and tell me. An old cemetery. Where you have to pay a lot of money if you want to lie there. A limited amount of time. What do you mean? You can only be there for a limited amount of… Do they bury you for a while? Yeah. Then they dig you up, because it’s an old cemetery, basically in the city center. Right. And a lot of cemeteries in Slovakia have this theme that you can lie there. Lie down. What’s the point? Can you swear? You’re an idiot. As far as I remember specifically about this cemetery, you can lie there for a maximum of 30 years . There’s a notice there, right at the entrance. I’ll have to check. Because I wanted to google it, but I forgot every time. And then they dig you up, and where do they put you? Into the compost? I’m more interested in what they do if you have no relatives left. Well, they dug you up and… Like in Spongebob: “He has no insurance.” They just rolled him out of the hospital. He has no insurance. But without it, he won’t be able to pay for this ward. Oh, now there will be a column called “Cross 4 lanes without a traffic light.” Convenient. Well, the cemetery is nearby. Why are you holding it? It irritates me how it slaps me. Hook it by this thing. What thing? By your shirt. By this thing? What thing? By your shirt . By your tit. By your tit. I just learned more about your personal life than I ever wanted to know. Why? Because you don’t know what a tit is. In fact, this entire area is named Nivy, after the shopping center we were just in. Nivy. Nivy is a field, right? I suspect the other way around, to be more precise, but that’s not important. And I don’t know anything about Bratislava. Besides good coffee shops. Niva is a field in Slovak, right? Who are you asking? You, who have been living in Slovakia for a shitload of years. I don’t live in Bratislava. Well, do you know the word Niva? No. No? No. It’s a field in Serbian. I know Mlynske. Mlynske is like some kind of dairy fields or… Mill fields. Mill fields. Deepa tells me mill aluvius. I don’t know what aluvius is. It’s gotten worse, let’s call it Niva. Fan fact. It’s a cemetery. It’s on a street called Malý Trh. Small square. Small… what’s it called? Market. Oh, well, trh, yeah-yeah-yeah. Market square. Market square, yeah. A good market, huh. Good products. And awesome contests. Showing off after death is, of course, cool. I’ve never seen anything like it. Well, they don’t throw really old graves out of there. No, that’s exactly why it’s so expensive, I suspect. Because you can lie here hugging someone ancient. Anyway, I was going to drag you along Kozia Street to the Russian consulate. Why do we need the Russian consulate? It’s beautiful. The entrance. What are they saying here? Some kind of entrance to a mega-cemetery does n’t look very good. Order. Don’t burn any. Dogs on roller skates are not allowed. No candles. Drinking dogs on roller skates are not allowed. We can go the other way or we can look at the map, if anyone is interested. Well, an approximate plan. Oh, yeah. Something about renting a grave. Well, how much does it cost? These are, accordingly, famous people. I don’t know anyone. Here, Kovac, a very familiar name. President of Slovenia. Well. No, not that. In short, I don’t know anyone. Price tag for what? Dig. Digging in a burial pit. Oh, well, that’s just… Oh, look. Size 130… 450 euros. No-no-no-no-no. Oh, that’s with… Tax. With VAT. Pay tax. That is, for… You’ve entered the VAT zone, right? Yes. A burial place. What’s that? Oh, that’s choosing a location, right? Why so cheap? Oh, maybe it’s money. No, that’s for a year. Well, listen, normal prices. No show-off. Oh, here, it all probably adds up. Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah. Service. Ah-ah-ah. Normal. No, well, maybe not all. But these are, like, mass graves. One, two, three, four. Three coffins, yes. For 10. Cryptos, of course, are much more expensive. Oh, you can get crypto for the whole family. Cryptocurrency. You can get three for us. 1390. But that’s not counting how much they’ll bury you, dig you up. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. You also have to pay for… Who brings the dead? Some kind of car. What’s it called? A hearse. You also have to pay for the hearse to drive in here. A-a-a. For issuing… How do you say it in Russian? Issuing what? Issuing an agreement or permission for anything, you also have to pay for that. A-a-a, that’s where I see some really good prices. A-a-a. For your own… That’s for… Let’s wheeze. Double gravestones. Double gravestones. That’s so that you, in short, bring your own monuments. A-a-a. Okay, let’s go, it means we won’t have time to walk around. It’s not that simple here, yeah. That’s why I’m saying that you… In short… Yeah, something like that, yeah. No, well, if it’s rent for a bed, 56 cents a year, that’s not much. A bed. Yeah, but you’ll never be hired for just a bed. – place. Well, yes. Probably, yes, you will have to have something else on top… I suspected that at least two thousand would have to be forked out there. Here. And in this park Nastya learned that ravens and crows are different birds. Yes. Congratulations, Nastya. Because there is no such distinction in Ukrainian. The distinction. The distinction is, apparently, Slovak, right? No, I just put it… I create words in the Slovak manner. For example, in the future the verb “to be” will be “budeme” in Slovak. And now in Russian “we will” sounds very stupid to me for some reason. It is illogical, why “I will”, “we will”, “they will”. But they take great care of the graves here. Really very much. Including not such cool cemeteries, but simple ones. For ordinary people. For proletarians. For ordinary corpses. By the way, when we pass by the consulate and on the way to the castle, we can go to another cemetery. It’s cool. I liked it better. It seems to me that it’s older. Did I tell you that in Presov there is a life-size statue and a little bit of one crime boss in the cemetery? No. I don’t remember the last name, Golub? Golubov? Golubov? Anyway, something like that. Golub, anyway. And here it is. And of course, Nastya and I went there for a walk, because there is nowhere else to walk in Presov. There are no parks there. A great city. And we found this statue. We probably stood like that for a minute or two. Kosice has the creepiest Gypsy ghetto in Europe. Lunik 8 or 9, I don’t remember. I thought that Bulgaria had the most Gypsies. And because bus drivers go there, they get extra pay for the danger, for the dangerous work. They get an extra pay. They’re playing Pokemon, by the way. – At the cemetery. – Well, you took Mom’s phone. What, is it a tradition to play at the cemetery. By the way, there are incredibly few PokeStops here for a cemetery. If you come… Where will you come? To Serafimovskoye? To Serafimovskoye Cemetery in St. Petersburg, there will be a million PokeStops there. And visitors will look at you like you’re a hedgehog on a skateboard. What kind of scum are you? What are you doing here with a phone? But the homeless people at Tsoi’s cemetery will… They’ll be happy to see you. …at Tsoi’s or Gorshok’s grave. Like, why are you even here? Because you’ll get hit in the face with a bottle, and that’s it. And all your complaints will end. Look how beautiful it is. What’s it called? Ivy. You know how I remembered how to say this grass in Russian ? Grass on the wall. What’s it called? So I googled it. How many languages do you know? Russian. English. Quasi-Czech. Slovak. Quasi-French. What does quasi-French mean? Well, like, I passed my state exams, but we won’t talk about it. Let’s not be sad, so to speak. There’s the police somewhere. There. Great. I ‘m going the other way. We’re going the other way. We’re going to the presidential palace. Festive dancing. Marching to the presidential palace? Please. Go like a pig. Go like a pig. Pig . Dash. People are slowly crossing the street on a red light, with their hands behind their backs. Although, in principle, we can cross too, they’re just standing there. Lavender. Lavender. Probably. I have no idea. The contingent is local. This is Rubens, right? This is the presidential palace, in short, right? Yes. It looks like the train station in Belgrade. Usually there’s an honor guard here. And unlike what I saw in Russia, here the boys on the honor guard are given sunglasses. This is very nice. Well, because you’ll freak out here. Let’s not get a fine. Beat this thing? Yes. Thank you. But you did beat it, good job. I didn’t beat it up at all. Natasha wouldn’t have beaten it up, the light wouldn’t have turned green. Gorenije brand store. Oh, this is Serbian, Yugoslav. Former Yugoslav. Not nice. Palace. Hello, palace. Here, the entrance to the garden is another 100 meters away. I’m not sure if it works on weekends. Because nothing will happen. As I understand it, no one works here on weekends. You understand correctly. Got it. Bansko-Bystrica Street. Bansko-Bystrica is a city in Slovakia. There are also Preševska and Košitská streets somewhere around here. And why Lenin Street? It was in Prešev, it was renamed, I don’t remember what it was. And there is still Sibirskaya Street. Was there a Leningradskaya or is there still one? But I think they renamed it. So yeah. Got it. We still have everything. Crawling. Trying to get into the royal palace. Or rather, the presidential palace. I also specifically wanted to take you to the Zodiac Park. One. I don’t know how we’re going to sample all this. Sample it. Sasha and Russian words. Sample it. Sample it. Sample it, I wanted to say, yeah. Oh, wow, look at that. On a scab. On a scab, holy shit. Hungarian Kia. That’s a normal car. In Slovakia, the license plates, those letters are just random, right? The first two are the region. Region AA. Or NR. And BL is Bratislava. Or Boyzlav, whatever you like better. I don’t think they mean anything at all. No, it’s definitely a region. Okay. Oh, and Slavic, I already googled what that is. Fence. Garden. I see, I see. These are not chain columns. Here you can walk on the grass. On grass walking. On the grass. On the grass. On the grass – this is a product. Yes, today we already cried on the signboard Malina on the grass. We can get off here and go towards the consulate. Can we get off here? Yes, we can get off here, great. Modestly, yes. But the president is not in charge here, right? The prime minister is in charge here. Like in Hungary. But I listen to Fizza much more than to the president. I don’t know who the president is. And what about Orban either. And who is the president in Hungary, do you know? I have no idea. I don’t know that. But he exists. Some kind of vespers we have. Stavba. Stavba. What does stavba mean? Construction. I could have guessed. There are three more next to the Russian consulate. And we climbed through this whole hillock while looking for the Belarusian consulate. Because a Belarusian friend came to visit me and we decided we needed to find it. Did we find it? What’s shown on Google Maps, right? There’s no sign that it’s a consulate. I’m not sure it ‘s still there. The city castle. To the right. No, the city is the castle. The city, the castle. Oh, it’s in two languages. Yes. Zheleznichny will become an aristocratic center. What? Let’s go along that side. Yes, and there are tree stumps there. Oh, exactly. The first… Stavobnosporitelnaya. What does that mean? The first construction. The ones that give you money. Great. Something like that. The Council of the Church of Slovakia. The church cathedral. The cathedral. And here… The bishop. And the bishop, yes. No, the Red Cross is in another area. It’s very beautiful here in the spring. Right when everything is in bloom. Polisady Street. That’s cool. Polisady. Does that translate as Polisady? No, Polisady. I think so. It’s not my thing, to be honest. This is where Sadovaya ends. Sadovaya. No ring. No, it seems to me that these letters are just random. No, these are Bratislavskie. BT. No. AA, by the way, I think they are also Bratislavskie, because… BA is also Bratislavskie. E, but this is this one. Estonia. No. Military, it seems. Or consular. Consular, probably. Ambassadorial. She put the chairs out like this, everything is fine. Well, what’s not? The Italian one looks like a house on Vasilievsky Island. Any one, yes. Is this cookie behind it or this one behind it? The Russian Embassy. The Russian Embassy. The consulate is at the next crossing on the right. It just looks like a box. And is this cookie the consulate? The embassy. The Russian Embassy. This one or the next one? I think the next one. There’s a very beautiful garden there. This is where I’m also starting to be overcome with class hatred. Why? Do you know how much money this crap costs? What kind? Like one apartment in this area. I don’t know. I don’t know either. But the only way you can get it here is as an inheritance. Yeah? Well, you can’t just buy it. First of all, because it’s a ton of money. Secondly, who’s going to sell it to you? What an idiot. I don’t know. We sell apartments in the center. In any city. Or the next turn. Do you see what’s confusing here? No, I think that’s it too. Yes, and as you can see, because the Russian consulate is nearby, they put up street signs. They named the street. Balisiya Nemtsov Street. Let’s cross the road very quickly. Very quickly. We crossed. Right in front of the trolleybus. Great. We’re very good. The embassy. Well, we can’t take pictures of it, so let’s move on. And where is Ni Street… Yeah. And there was also a sticker opposite. Hello, Balisia Nemcova Street. We go down and go back. Why don’t they take it down? What exactly? The sign. I’m not sure they have the right to do that. Well, the embassy territory is the territory of another country. I have no idea. But they’ll probably take it down here too. Okay, it’s good that there’s still something here. Bratislava expert, Sasha. In 5 meters… To the right. Yeah, your phone is in French. My phone is in French, so that I know at least something. And you also have a rudimentary Japanese. Japanese, a little. Ukrainian. Well, that’s understandable. All your Ukrainian friends here, right? No. Friendship of peoples. So, what do we have here with urbanism? Some kind of factory. This is a medical park. This is a cultural monument. There, if you cross to the other side, diagonally, there will be a castle, if I’m not mistaken. And it’s very beautiful when the grass grows normally here, and not like this… And not like this. And not like a teenager’s beard. Burnt by the sun, it seems to me, the sun is fierce. People here, as you can see, are also relaxing on the grass. Veni is also relaxing on the grass. And no one takes care of it. Creativity. Oh, you mean that? Oh, creativity. It’s a shitting devil, a demon. Or a cat that plays. He sees the shit. Okay. It’s as if Bessarion painted it. When I was little, in the first grade, a student from Mexico came to visit us on an exchange. We lived with my grandmother, with my other grandmother. And the student there speaks English, my sister also speaks English. My sister went there later. And instead of asking my sister to explain, grandma would just start talking louder. I made soup, you’ll… I don’t understand. I made soup, you’ll… The louder you talk, the better the person understands you. Friend. The tactic works. I’m just scared. Okay, whatever you want. Here’s the money. I’m telling you, the tactic works. So, are we already approaching the historical center? Yeah, we’re getting a little closer to the historical center. That’s why. I’m scaring Belgrade, it’s here. It’s everywhere, so… Yeah. Mother, navigate. When Nastya and I were in Vienna, we walked all over Vienna. Okay, fine, let’s wait until it gets there. Why aren’t your traffic lights working? Because who needs them? Because the traffic lights don’t work on weekends. Seriously? Yeah. No, seriously, you’re not kidding? I’m not kidding. On weekends, look, it burns, yellow. Straight? Good. And how is this justified? To save energy? Because there are usually a little fewer people on weekends. And where are they all? In Slovakia, they really like to go hiking, have some kind of barbecue, that kind of thing. That’s why the stores aren’t open, right? The stores aren’t open, the pharmacies aren’t open, but the shopping centers are open, of course, but all sorts of small ones. God willing, they’re open for three hours, and that’s it. Well, in Austria, we noticed exactly the same thing, right? What is that figurine? See, on the balcony? It’s a hawk, yes, on the balcony. And witchcraft. Anyway, Nastya and I were walking through Vienna, we arrived in the morning, around eight o’clock, and there were these people standing there, drinking coffee, smoking on these nasty little balconies, we were walking almost in the historical center, and class hatred. Why? Why them and not me? Well, they’re not students, you’re students. And they also have a European passport, from the shittiest country. Well, let’s say, not shitty at all. By the way, Vienna… Vienna is the second, now the second city, the second best city in Europe. Carefully. For a long time, it was first. And then Copenhagen happened. Yes, then Copenhagen won, this year. Bratislava Castle. Yes, by the way, we even drove far from Bratislava, through a residential area, it was far away. Yeah. They have their own Svyatopolk, I think. Svyatopolk, or Svyato-someone. What is that? Prince. Oh, prince? Oh, like eropolk, svyatopolk, right? Yeah. Good. Pies that are pronounced pirogki are very popular here. Pirogki. These are just pirogki, I mean, pirogki, as we are used to, pirogki. Not like varenyky in Poland. Pies, well, that’s just pelmeni. Vareniki. No, there are pies here, and there are also pies. Pies. Ven-studio. This is a network, as far as I understand, of Ukrainian… Where, where? Tattoos Piercing. Ah, Ven. Ukrainian, right? Well, first of all, we also have a branch. And it’s Ukrainian. KGB-pub. Hello. Stirlitz. Stirlitz didn’t know what gave him away. Either the butenovka on his head, or the parachute on his back. Well, yeah. Tavern. Tavern. Baba Yaga. Hello, fanatic. Baba Yaga-kebab, as I understand it? They make kebabs from her. Or she does. This is not Baba Yaga, how could we understand, right? Ah, this is Minhausen. This is Minhausen. Minhausen on a core, yes. Something about your face is like a trollface . That’s why I call it Baba Yaga. It flies well. It’s just from the wind when you fly fast. You know what we noticed in Vienna? The trams are more expensive there than the subway. Because the subway is so-so, but the trams are awesome. The tram is also more expensive here. There is a general ticket for everything. There, too, by the way, but for some reason it is cheaper in the subway than in the tram. I don’t get it. There you can buy a general ticket for everything for a day, but for some reason it will cost quite a lot. As if I’m going to roll there all day. And you’re not going to? What time is it? Do you have legalization in your country, right? Huh? Legalization in the country? No. No?
Something smells like weed. But here, yes, they sell it very often. Oh, there you go. Cannabis shock. There is no legalization here. There is no legalization here, but they sell it here. It may not be marijuana here, but it may just be a castle. A very popular writer, who is like Daria Dontsova, only a man. Vyrostsy. That’s also in Serbian. Fingers. He has a thousand and one books. I don’t know why there’s only one, but a thousand and one. That’s exactly the one. There inside, you see, you can see the yellow ones there . Non-fiction? Yeah, over there. Anyway, it’s… He even has a last name, Dan, like Dantsova. Are we going to the cemetery? Well, let’s go. It seemed prettier than the one we were in, so… What, where did we come to, Sasha? Tell me. Welcome to the Evangelical… am I speaking Russian correctly? Evangelical? Evangelical. Evangelical cemetery. I’m not reading the sign. I thought there would at least be a Slovak adjective from which I could make a Russian one, but that won’t work. Which was built some time ago. Are you sure you’re a tour guide? It was built at the end of the eighteenth century because they had nowhere else to bury their dead. So they bought this plot and decided to bury their dead here. I wish I knew how the evangelicals respond to the other non-evangelicals. Why do you need to know? Because the area we go to was mostly Protestant at the time. And the evangelicals had nowhere to go. To hide. Want to sit? Nowhere to lie down. Well, that’s where they lay down. They’re fixing something, yes. Judging by the rustiness of the structure. Sperl. My math teacher at school was a Sperl. She stole. If she was German, then it could be the neck. Or maybe the neck? Carolina. She was such a tough teacher. She has German roots. Her German roots stirred her cerebellum. Gustav Dorner. I see Aldolf. Her Aldolf Baungar. And this, as I understand it, is Austrian, and this is already… Gustav. No, this is not Slavic. This is purely Hungarian. This is Hungarian, yes. That’s for sure… Madzhary. Madzhary. Madzhary. Madagascar. Well, here, yes, there are some very sad places like that. They happen everywhere. Karol, these are also Hungarians. If we go higher, there is… Berlin? Older, as far as I remember, graves. Chalat is, I think, a family. Yes. And Berlin, it turns out, is their last name. Normal. A family mausoleum. Berlin is buried here. West or East Berlin, it is not specified. In three languages it says rest in peace or rest with Christ, in Christ. Well, yes, this is chsalat, chalat, chsalat. This is a family mausoleum. And as you said, what is the cemetery called? Goat? At the goat gate. Or just goat gate. Why goat gate? Because Goat Street. And what kind of gate is this? The one we passed through. Oh, was that the goat gate? Ah, I thought it was small, it goes up even further.
It goes up even further. And there is no exit there, by the way. There is only one entrance, so if you want to go right through, you have to climb over. Fine. Cornelia. And Maria. Some really old-old graves. And this is in Slovakia, right? Turzova. Yes. Well, Cerna is definitely Slovak. Curzova. I suspect that it is a foreign surname that was simply domesticated. Domesticated. Added Ova. Added Ova. And do they add Ova to your surname? Gabovskaya Ova? No, I already have an adjective. Ah, I see. So, how am I a Gabovskaya? That’s right. Well, really, it is some kind of our property, quality. Yes. You are very Gabovskaya today. I suspect that the man was Gabovsk. Gabovsk? Gabovskov. Well, yes. It’s an adjective technically. If they were translating something with our last name, they wouldn’t add that damned Ova to it. Because one of my teachers, she says, I translated some article where Angelina Jolie was. According to the laws of the Slovak language, I had to translate it as Angelina Dzholieva. She says that she… It’s some kind of something. Names aren’t translated. Yes. They have to be domesticated. And in Slovak… Angelina Jolie hardly has a Slovak University of Science and Technology. Why did they domesticate her? Wild names. She basically says that I translated, sent the article and then went to reunite with nature, to touch the grass. And what about women’s maiden names? Vestova. Vestova. Vestova. And the titles that people have studied to obtain. And what kind of title is this? Engineer. Ing. Milos Jurkovic. Pan was… Pan God. These are Czechs. Pan God eats masila. No. These are Poles. In the sense that BUH is, I think, Czech. But EST… I don’t remember, is it a Czech or Polish verb. In Serbian it is also EST. In Slovak, because it is different. Just E. It is E and EST. It is all the same. But I think it is Czech. Southern Slavs, in short. I see. And then there is Zhilaya Street, right? There is a house there. By the way, this is not the kassit horizon. This is how the street goes here. And then these… These are super small streets, where on literally every corner there is a consulate, an embassy, or a consulate and an embassy. And so, sleep sweetly. You see, in short, Verochka. The first indicator, right? Secondly, this is a girl who was a year old. A year. About that. And they write down the children there, the names of the children are not… She was even younger. She lived from December to April. Several months. Secondly, the seventh, forty-eighth, these were not the…
Not the best years. Children’s names are usually written with powerful hairy suffixes here , like. Detochka. Mashenka. Mashenka. Well, with such a mood. This one was most likely a child, too. It looks like it, yes. What about Vladuchko? Rodina. Rodina is a family. Family, yes. In Slovak. In Czech. It’s Czech, because the signature here, ” His will has come” is Czech. “His will has come.” I see. Like “Your will will come.” Well, this one was also, it looks like a child. With toys. I see. Sad moods have set in. Children’s graves are usually in one place. In the press-fitok, at least. You walk, and there are such sobs. And you walk and think… And this, as far as I remember, is the famous… Dushin of some kind. A famous Slovak journalist. Novinar. In Serbian, he is also a journalist — novinar. Dusin. Dusin. Dusin. A ministerial adviser was laid to rest here. And his wife. ’44. She passed away even earlier. Much earlier. Why? By a year. Why? Oh, ’43. I really like QR codes. Do you want to read them? Read them. Come on. This is brilliant, actually. According to the website, he was… How can I translate this? Let’s remember the Russian language. He fought for… Ratal. Okay. For the construction of an electrical industry. And what does that mean? In Slovakia. Well, like, their own electricity, buildings, and so on.
That is, power plants, apparently. Yes, including. He pushed through. He was a pioneer and organizer of electrification in Slovakia. He laid the foundation. And he was the editor of the first Slovak electrical engineering journal. And he was a teacher, too. Of course. Because, in my opinion, you won’t get the title of engineer without experience in studying. You won’t get it. Well, here we are. And here, apparently, a long time ago there was a beautiful staircase. But it has all that is left. Well, from here I suspect that we can continue our ascent to the castle. It was an adjective. It doesn’t matter. I didn’t want to say anything, apparently. Are you sure you’re an express driver? No. You really stunned me in a beautiful way. Now take the microphone, speak. Yes. Well, now don’t complain about what I’m saying. That’s not how you speak. I’m talking… Who? Nonsense. Oh, good. I can do that too. You’re welcome. I’m glad you like it. And I… I think we’re going in the wrong direction a little. Turn the key. And Bratislava. And Bratislava. Why couldn’t they put an exit here? Some kind of unhealthy craving for fences, like back home. Jan fractional. Fractional is like small. Small? Yes. Small Jan. Small Jan even lived to be 50. And here there are a few more under… Under the tree. Oh, beautiful tree. Very beautiful tree. I wish Rob Iria all the worst. Take a photo for me. And I also took 182 for Blinkov’s fans. Cramps. Just like… Anal. And here, it looks like there was some kind of Nastya or something. There’s some kind of rat here. Anyway, yes. I want a photo. Let’s take a photo. Well, and because of the fact that in many big cities in Slovakia, and small ones in general, there is a problem with parks. Somewhere… Well, in the park there are always children, playgrounds in general. And you can’t really sit there quietly. That’s why people go to the cemetery to relax. Well, specifically Vasilievsky Island and Smolenskoye Cemetery, where children, when they were in school, went skiing through the cemetery. During physical education class. Thank you. And here there’s some building adjoining, I saw a bunch of flags there. Assistants. For obtaining visas. As far as I understand. Or something like that. Helpers, like? Yes. An angel. Well, who else do they usually depict? An angel with a skull, yes. And there were a lot of inscriptions, and they all. They were pasted over, then they… Vaibova. So, we went up the hill, everyone grabbed like cattle. Where did we go? We went up to Bratislava Castle. The main monument of Bratislava. Well, besides the old town. There’s a cafe with beer and a prosepka there. Let’s go, let’s all have a drink. Wait, this is a cultural program, then. Then we can go to the old town and do a non-cultural program there. So this castle… What is it famous for? It’s a fortress, like, for example, in Belgrade, the fortress where the Turks were killed. This is the Bratislava fortress. Literally, this is what the city started from. Yeah. Well, I think asking you whether it’s a new replica or not is useless, you don’t know. It’s old. How? Did people rebuild it too? Pieces, yes. Anyway, I opened Wikipedia. So, tell me. Is it worth it? You know how to write an essay, right, like they did in school? In your own language. No, it will be a translation of Slovak, what do you expect. Oh, well, that’s it then. That’s what I was talking about, they have their own svetopolk. It’s not the svetopolk from Russia. Yeah. And why is it a svetopleuk? Because how many languages converged here? At least three. He lived a fucking 48 years. He lived a fucking 48 years. I said it from an equal standpoint. I changed, and he was. To my beloved son Svetopolk, the glorious, as he is called, lord. In short, we want to tell you that we recognize your devotion, the suffering of your entire people. And this is Austria, right? It’s much higher there. Well, we were driving there, where are those windmills, right? This is Austria? Yes. Cool. This is Austria, and this is the residential area of Protislava. We are on the left bank of the Danube. Well, and the famous social-modernist bridge. This is, in short, the former residence of the king. The bridge? He. Lived under the bridge. A troll. Well, these are bedrooms, real bedrooms. Well, not Devyatkino, but Lenin Avenues. There was some kind of, well, more accurately, there was, there is some kind of castle here. When Slovakia was in the Eastern Bloc, Austria was right across the Danube. And there was a castle. And the guy made himself wings and flew over the castle, in short, to Austria. And then it was closed to the public. There is a monument to Cyril and Methodius and their lesser- known third brother. The remains, I’ll read now, what do I always forget. The remains of what? Well, all that’s left is this. Some kind of traditional Roman Empire. This is a basilica. Basilicas, yes. In the Great Arab. 12th century. This is all that’s left of them. This part and these stones. Are they really these, twins? Twins, and a twang in the front. Nothing is written here. By the way, the internet reception here is very bad for some reason. Although we are on a mountain. Although we are on a mountain. This is a garden, and below, yes, there is a monument to Alzbeta Durina. Elizaveta Durina. We can go into the local garden. It’s nothing. Well, let’s go and have a look at nothing. They say it’s beautiful when it’s in bloom, but I haven’t been able to get there when it’s in bloom for three years now. I don’t know what could be whistling. Somewhere in the photos it was like something was cramping up somewhere here. It was very beautiful, but there. They look like they should be whistling. By the way, this white krakozyablo that’s going around here is the still-functioning local government building. It must be very exciting to work here. And there are these full-length fences that are alive. In Slovakia, I forgot which city, but in the east of Slovakia there is a Victorian hedge maze . But I guess I haven’t been able to get to these lands for three years now. That means I need to come here at the beginning of June. I’ll keep an eye out. What are you doing here? What’s going on? Communing with nature. I’m touching the grass. You’re stuck, do you need help? Right here. Can he reach it? My hand can’t reach it. I’m short, Mom! Sometimes it survives. Mom, why did you climb into the dog? I kind of got out of here already, but I can climb even further. Mom, do you want me to climb out to you? Where can’t I climb? Like, climb here? I can’t get out of backpacks. There’s a whole area here. But I’m scratched, I’m sunburned, it hurts. I found the baby. Tolya, plug in the microphone, and there I have sounds like… Let’s take him for ourselves, look, what a nice baby. Did you find him in the bushes? Yeah. Look, he’s so cool. You can walk through here normally. Come here, look. He ‘s cool. But he’s probably wild. Let’s pour some beer and we’ll get used to him normally. There are too many open spaces here. Yeah, there aren’t enough shadows. There are no shadows here at all. Let’s go get out of here. I have this hedge in my hair now. Everyone is making noise at me there. Mom even squealed, I was so worried. Don’t blame yourself. Today’s name of the castle and the city is Bratislava. Right. And it comes from historical documents. What is tunayshiy? Who are tunayshiy? I have no idea about tunayshiy. Who are they? It comes from the time when tunayshiy reigned here . Okay. The first known name was Bezalauspurg in 907. It was also called Breziburg. Elizabeth. Elizabeth Durinska. She is a saint. 24 years old. Yes. 24 years old. Already had time. And at the same time, in 21 she was already married. She was kicked out of this castle. And in 28 she accepted dinner. When you have nothing. What is it called? In Kazakh, married. Well, yes. That is, she was married off in 21. Yes? Yes. And then, when her husband died, she was kicked out of the castle. As you can understand, this is also the church of St. Nicholas. Everything here is St. Nicholas. And it is Orthodox. It is Orthodox. And this is the Catholic Cathedral of St. Nicholas. This is the most famous cathedral in Slovakia. This is the back. Yes, this is the one with the gold trim. We will take it there now. Such narrow ones. It is just like in the Czech Republic. Bumblebee. Bumblebee, yes, in the summer. Bumblebee. And it is, in my opinion, the second largest cathedral. And one of the largest. One of the two.
Look, Neanderthals also insert their art here. When we climbed the tower in the church, also in the cathedral in Brno, there was a place where “Crimea is ours!” “No, ours!” “No, ours !” And they crossed it out there. Let’s go there, to the left. Look how beautiful it is. I hate these people. They really love tea roses here. They grow them right in the neighborhoods where there are private houses, with 1,100-1,500 types of tea roses on each plot. Oh, that’s some old fortress wall, right?
Part of the old city there. It’s like roses and roses. And there are usually 200 times more of them. Listen, it’s a nice neighborhood, but it’s so noisy here, dammit. Like, there’s a highway right through the center of town. Remember how we lived on the Black River. That won’t happen anymore. How they used to drive trams at 4 a.m. When we lived on the Black River, they didn’t go that fast. Right through my window. Your windows didn’t go out there. Look, children’s herbs are showing me outside my window. A street. A street. There’s somewhere around here… What’s it called? First of all, crows. It’s some kind of magic shop, because it’s called “The Beauty of Space.” Cool crow. Oh, no, it’s just some kind of handmade thing. Ah, you can see it perfectly from here. This is the Cathedral, right? The Cathedral. We could walk along this little bridge. But we’ll go up these steep steps, which I ‘m afraid to leave my teeth on every time. Great. There’s a Jewish museum here. And there’s a Jewish cafe on the corner. A Jewish museum. Jewish is Czech, Slovak. A museum of Jewish culture. And there’s a Jewish cafe on the corner. The Jewish food is delicious. And there’s a lantern somewhere there, painted in the colors of the rainbow. Fan facts are coming. An overgrown wall. As you can tell, these are residential and non-residential areas in parts. That is, this apartment over there, right, in the window? Yes, as far as I remember. It’s fine. But judging by the number of these… No, wait, that’s a fortress wall, there can’t be an apartment there. Although there may be. There may be. Judging by the number of air conditioners, you can tell what life is like there. Mmm. Dog zone. This is for us. I told you. I just read this, stood up, I understand what it is.
The first thing I’ll do when I get back to Presher is touch the grass. Ha-ha-ha. Are you ashamed to come with us, sir? Did someone call me? Is this the very staircase you’re afraid of losing your teeth on? Yeah. Cool. When it’s windy here, I’m afraid of losing my life here. Some kind of ethna or some kind of magical reasons. Everyone loves magic. Everyone loves magic. This is vegan sushi. I don’t expect anything good from this. Vegan sushi? I don’t expect anything good from this, yeah. Avalon magic. Right here you can smell this magic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sticks, stinkers. This is some kind of scam, right? Well, magic. Magic. No, well, maybe they just sell some souvenirs there . Yeah. Okay, let’s move on. What do we have here? Street musicians. What old city would be without street musicians? And the smell of assanina, simply. The smell of assanina. Horrible . This is a real piss bathhouse, I would say. In general, the Michael Gate. Everything is metallized, in general. No, there was a mother, another mole, a dude. Well, there. So, once again. There was another dude. You don’t understand, this is different. Okay. In general, these gates were the entrance to the city. And there used to be a suspension bridge there, everything as it should be. They called it Michael, because there was a church here. Here.
And then there was an attack by someone on something, sometime in the spring. As usual, in general. Well, yeah. People love such crap. And in memory of this, there is this plaque over there. If I’m not mistaken. Maybe I’m wrong. Well, never mind. There are kind people on the Internet, no one will judge you with a comment for your mistakes. Maria Theresa, by the way, it’s written there. Maria Theresa here. Did Sasha lose the city expert? Yes, so what? I’ll do it again. Frančeskášká is in place. The square. Frančeskášká? Frančeskášká. Ah, Frančesk, right? Yes. And this square I was talking about, where there are thousands, but the embassy. There’s a Japanese flag there. Greece should be somewhere around here. Sinful Grecko. What, what? Greece is all wrapped up there. Greece, yes. Japan and France, it turns out. And Slovakia. Again. Slovakia? Why does Slovakia need its own village? Just so it’s there. Don’t ask questions. No time to explain. Is this really Slovakia? I just don’t see it there. I don’t see it either. The flag is curled up. Oh, that’s Sudna Rada. Sud? Sud, yes. There are books here in every language you can find. Are there Russian ones? And Russian ones. Are there Serbian ones? I’m not sure. Anyway, there’s a street-square, a street-square, a street-square. That’s how it is. That’s how it happens, yes. When I was passing by, here it starts… This is a sign of an old place, like a district of today’s Bratislava. Well, like in the present tense of the district, the old town of Bratislava. And every time I pass under this crap, I’m afraid it’s coming at me. Oh, there. In the style of Saw. Let’s go and film some more. Of course. Well, tell me. You need to show me. You should have kept quiet. I’m not reading this as chaos of art, but chaos of art. Of art. Fart. Ah, fart. Yeah. And here come the fart jokes. The video was a success. Well, at some point, someone had to do it. And like, they hang like this in every neighborhood, right?
No. Just here, right? This is the old town. Of course, they are umbrellas. Of course, every self-respecting city has these umbrellas. That’s what attracts tourists. Well, they take pictures. I remember.
You’re filming it. In Novi Sadik. You didn’t show it, I wouldn’t have filmed it. With umbrellas. And they were all broken. Yes, yes, yes. When they get old, they dangle. Sasha, will you stand under it, no? Maybe you will?

Вы когда-нибудь слышали о городе, где место на кладбище сдается в аренду? Добро пожаловать в Братиславу, уютную и полную сюрпризов столицу Словакии! Мы отправились на большую прогулку по Братиславе вместе с Сашей, которая живет в Словакии уже три года.
В этом выпуске мы покажем вам нетуристическую и настоящую Братиславу. Наш маршрут начнется с самого необычного места — старого кладбища, где могилы существуют… по подписке! Мы разберемся, сколько стоит такое место, почему покойников выкапывают через 30 лет и какие еще тайны хранят старинные некрополи Братиславы.
Далее наша прогулка по Братиславе приведет нас к Президентскому дворцу , и мы узнаем, кто на самом деле управляет Словакией — президент или премьер-министр. Мы пройдем по улицам, хранящим дух империи, увидим российское посольство и табличку «улица Бориса Немцова», а также заглянем в тихие дворики, где прячутся консульства десятков стран.
Что еще посмотреть в Братиславе? Конечно же, сердце города — Братиславский град! Мы поднимемся на холм к знаменитому замку , откуда открывается невероятный вид не только на всю Братиславу, но и на соседнюю Австрию. Поговорим об истории этого места, от князя Святополка до Марии Терезии , и исследуем остатки древней базилики.
Наша экскурсия по Братиславе была бы неполной без Старого города. Мы спустимся с замкового холма по живописным улочкам, пройдем через Михальские ворота , окажемся на Францисканской площади и найдем улицу с разноцветными зонтиками. Саша расскажет, почему в выходные в Братиславе почти не работают светофоры , чем занимаются словаки в свободное время и какие особенности есть у местного языка.
Если вы планируете поездку в Словакию и думаете, что посмотреть, этот гид для вас. Мы покажем вам Братиславу глазами местного жителя — с ее странностями, красотой и невероятной атмосферой. Присоединяйтесь к нашей прогулке!
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00:00:00 Вступление. О чём это видео?
00:01:34 Район Mlynske Nivy, Заха Хадид и немного о Словакии
00:05:32 Посещение Старого кладбища с “могилами по подписке”
00:11:58 Президентский дворец и президентский парк
00:16:44 Идём по Братиславе на Козью улицу, Российское посольство, улица Бориса Немцова
00:21:12 Бар КГБ, украинская барберная и Мюнхгаузен на ядре
00:23:48 Почему в Братиславе не работают светофоры на выходных?
00:29:02 Кладбище у Козьих ворот, евангелисты
00:33:13 Особенности словацкого языка: почему Анжелина Джоли стала “Джолиева”
00:37:27 QR-коды на могилах: история электрификации Словакии
00:42:01 Братиславский замок. Памятник королю Святоплуку и его значение для Словакии
00:44:23 Спальные районы Братиславы, наследие Восточного блока, памятник Кириллу и Мефодию.
00:46:04 Сад Барокко
00:51:14 Гуляем по старому городу
00:59:42 Финал